A Day of Thanks

Last Monday we concluded six weeks of unemployment. 

Today I am especially grateful for all the ways that the Lord prepared us to decide it was time for Merrill to give up a good job in pursuit of a better one. We had seen the need to possibly change jobs since last Christmas, but with child number three on the way, I told my husband to basically resign himself to the environment he was in, change his attitude and hope for things to get better. 

At that point I cared more about security than prosperity. I feared change and uncertainty, and I couldn't believe that we had just moved from Utah for a new job, only to have it not work out after only six months. I have never been one to adapt quickly. Resilience and I were like friends of a friend--we'd never met, but we were always hearing about each other through that constant companion, Change.

What helped us to weather the uncertainty of joblessness? How were we able to face the decision with only a peaceful assurance that the Lord would watch over us?

First of all, I have seen a repeated pattern of the Lord guiding me through what I saw initially as failures--the failed engagement before I met Merrill, my failure to continue as the provider in our home after Caitlin's birth and the consequent failure of my husband to finish his degree, my battle with depression and a failed attempt at finding a non-pharmaceutical treatment, etc.--to ready me for much more desirable outcomes, respectively--knowing exactly what mattered in a mate when I met Merrill, finding solid ground as I transitioned from career to motherhood while Merrill surprisingly flourished in his career without a degree, and learning that for now I can consider myself whole even if I take medication for depression.

In short, I knew that the Lord was serious when he said, "I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you" (John 14:18). When I saw failure, the Lord basically said, "Trust me, take another step forward, and you'll realize that I'm with you." As long as I took that next teetering step of faith forward, my failures--as I saw them--were simply preparation for the next stage of my journey.

I am grateful that the Lord taught me this lesson, once again, and I am of course grateful for a list of tangible blessings that I will attempt to enumerate. 

I'm glad that our dishwasher died before we made our job-quitting decision so that we didn't feel like our troubles had been compounded by the universal truth that a depended-on product only dies because the warranty just ended. (Plus we now had someone home with some time on his hands for dish washing!) 

I'm thrilled that a friend had a giant box of diapers that had gone unused in her daycare business and thought to give them to us for Claire. 

She also had the perfect hand-me-downs for Claire, which I'd turned down the month prior, because I didn't realize how quickly Claire would outgrow everything I'd saved from Caitlin in that season. 

I'm relieved that I had already purchased and begun using another friend's no-longer-needed cloth diapering system (for $15 rather than the $250 she'd invested) so that I didn't think of it as "Poor me, I have to deal with more laundry and more mess when I'm already burdened with worry about the future." 

I'm grateful that I spent the last warm day of autumn with my youngest brother, Matthew, instead of fretting over money (this photo makes my future look bright). 

I'm grateful that my dad checked the weather and saw that freezing temperatures were coming, so he raked up a pile of leaves for my kids to play in.

I'm blessed to have traveled to Utah with my mom and brother to see my much-missed siblings as a birthday gift from my parents for all the October-born in our family (six in four days--four of us are pictured below). 

Matthew turned 18, Caitlin 6, Isaac 5, and Elissa 34. Clearly Richard wasn't the birthday boy...Christina and Collin (10, below) were camping.

My oldest (younger) brother Mark holding Claire

Christina picking apples

I'm in awe that Merrill and I were able to slash our budget and live on the food and supplies we had on-hand because we followed the Prophet's counsel to have a three-month supply of these things. We even got one of our kids to like old-fashioned oatmeal since we had a giant bag of it (and it didn't require expensive milk the way cold cereal does).

I see the Lord's hand even more in the location of our home because it is much closer to Merrill's new job than it would have been had we found a home where we had initially thought was best (my mom pointed this one out). 

I found comfort in the many bright and cheerful outfits my mom had given Caitlin over the past year so that we'd be ready for what felt like three different seasons in the course of these six weeks. 

It was a great comfort as well that we had opted for medical insurance that wasn't tied to Merrill's job so that we didn't need to feel vulnerable in that regard when Merrill's job status changed. 

I know a million factors influence the price of gasoline, but it really did choose a great time to be at a 10-year (?) low. I couldn't remember when I'd last paid less than $3/gallon, so that was some icing on our joblessness cake. 

I was relieved that as the faraway Grandma, Merrill's mom gladly supplied the funds for Caitlin's little rec. center ballet class that I'd promised her but then felt nervous about paying for since I didn't know when the income would start flowing again. It was the ideal birthday gift--no shipping required.

And when it comes to the way that we give and receive love (the five "love languages"), I have decided that a sixth one should be added: letting your loved one sleep. Having Merrill home those six weeks did not mean that I no longer got up once or twice each night with a baby, but it did often mean that I could sleep for another couple hours in the morning while he got up with the kids. It meant that I could take a nap while he met Caitlin at the bus stop. And it meant that I could go to bed early while he finished folding laundry, washing dishes, and holding a fussy baby. I really think I would have fallen apart if not for that extra sleep. 

I also discovered that we'd had three separate bills overpaid so that we either had a credit balance or a check sent to us. When does that happen??

We have also been blessed in less tangible ways. There are the many who prayed for us, counseled with us, supportively inquired about our job search, gave Merrill job leads, and celebrated with us when we found a wonderful new opportunity for Merrill. He had three job offers, which was a confirmation that verse 10 of Malachi 3 is a sure promise from the Lord. We literally received more than we had room for, and keeping the Lord's commandments made that possible. 

I do not think it was merely coincidence that a beloved uncle visited my parents on an extended layover and accompanied us on a lunch date the week before Merrill and I decided he would resign his position with the IT department where he worked. 

He recognized in Merrill's speech and body language something to which I had grown callous: a quiet desperation to be in a work situation where he was valued. I had begun to hear only complaining, but my uncle took the time in a noisy restaurant after Merrill had left and our time was growing short (due to Caitlin's kindergarten schedule, his plane departure and a side trip to look at a piano) to speak to me directly about what he had just seen and heard when my husband described his current work situation. 

I needed that wake-up because the next day Merrill told me he had been within a few words of just quitting on-the-spot when his boss had called him in for yet another berating. With my uncle's observations and counsel, I was finally able to hear what my husband had been telling me for the past year. The Lord sent me the final piece of preparation I needed, and He sent it just in time.

With that preparation, I was able to counsel Merrill to be sure that he left his job with faith rather than anger if he wanted to have the Lord's help. I also didn't want him looking back at this job in anger. [Cue Oasis]

I hope to become better friends with Resilience, and I am grateful to Change for introducing us. I hadn't paid much attention to the near-constant presence of Preparedness because it seemed so natural, but when paired with Gratitude, it seems to have produced Resilience as a sort of offspring. I'm not sure how to tie in the close relatives Faith, Hope, and Charity, who are also a part of this story, but they are certainly necessary companions as we make our way as a family through the craziness of life.

PS--In case I've made my life sound charmed somehow, I assure you that we are entirely normal. There are times all three kids are crying, I'm yelling, and my husband is bringing me my phone, so whoever is on the other end just heard it all. 

And having Merrill home wasn't always the treat I hoped it would be. Navigating the management of a home where once I had been the only one driving that bus, so to speak, could be likened to suddenly driving a double-decker bus with two drivers at the wheel. Sure, you get double the work done, but the load and steering ability is a bit unwieldy at times. 

I let him get a good dose of what I deal with every day, so I kept it just unappealing enough for him that he would want to get a job unlike mine ASAP:) I also hated to see him do a better job than me ("hey, wait a second, this is my spotlight!" That sort of thing...)