Can’t Wait ‘til You Have a Couple Little Children of Your Own

I saw this meme on Facebook, and I can't remember if I "liked" it to be nice to whoever re-posted (since everyone needs some get-me-off-the-hook logic now and then), or if I just glared at it like I am doing now. 

I couldn't find a reliable source for this meme. Pinterest maybe?

I hate it because I don't want it to be true. 

I like having happy kids. Mom feels less sane when kids are unhappy. And I've lived in not sane enough to know I want sanity. 

I like having a clean house. It helps me feel sane. I like the feeling of having a blank canvas to start from. Sometimes nothing creative happens because I can't find the blank canvas, but I prefer to start the creative process from order rather than from disorder.

I want to be sane and creative. Is that allowed? 

And since kids are my most significant co-creation, and they didn't arise from disorder (I was there--I can assure you some very orderly things took place), I consider it my job to constantly re-acquaint my little creations with order.

I finally figured out that the reason I hate this meme is that it's fundamentally wrong. Sure, as a two-dimensional representation, it is clever, but we don't live in two dimensions. We don't even live in three--I've heard that with time factored in, we live in four dimensions. (Maybe it's not just my size or weight; maybe it's my fourth dimension that struggles to squeeze into last year's jeans...)

Anyway, without getting too far into the realm of quantum physics (is that what it's called?) I want to add just a single point to that diagram, right smack in the center. The name of the dot is "good habits."

I  believe that if I mix my sanity, some happy kids, and a clean house together (which each, by the way, require consistent effort, frequent disappointments, and ongoing correction), a three dimensional object can be built, and at the pinnacle of this triangular pyramid sits good habits.

And by the way, even if this meme is supposed to show one face of a pyramid with my sanity at the top, is that really the goal? I could park my kids in front of a TV (they think they're happy), hire someone to clean for me, and feel pretty sane day after orderly day. I just think the point of a triangle is to build something, not to see if you can remove one point and still somehow remain balanced. 

Now to factor in that fourth dimension. From early on, these little tykes have been gathering information about the rules and regulations in their new home. My children have observed my habits--for better or worse--for their entire lives. Interestingly, my youngest, who has had the least time to observe me, has most quickly learned the order of things in this house and does the most picking up, putting away, and restoring of order than the other two combined. 

I think she just came wired with her mother's neuroses, which perhaps means I can let myself off the hook for how the first two resisted "helping" for most of their existence until recently...

Anyway, when you're looking at the pyramid from its triangular base, it isn't just sitting there like a tourist attraction. It is also moving in concert with time. I may not have a clean house tomorrow, and I used to actually clean up my first toddler's toys multiple times during the day (can you spell futility?), but eventually somewhere in the course of time, the house is clean, kids are happy, and Mom is sane. But if good habits weren't learned along the way, there is no point to those three conditions being met. 

If kids feel they matter less than a clean house, or if the kids feel like Mom's sanity matters more than their happiness, or if kids feel unhappy because they have no blank canvas on which to get creative, then as the mom, I am not building a sound structure from which to develop good habits. Good habits will just roll down the short-changed side of the pyramid. Kerplunk.

Good habits require that fourth dimension. They take time. They take starting over and trying again and forgiving the past and planning for a better future. They take tiny triumphs and reveling in momentary progress. They take that dreaded word...patience. I have yet to truly grasp that concept. The pyramids weren't built in a day, and if they'd been done right, they could have been built by good habits, not by slaves.

Here are my good habiters, and this does not count as bragging since I have to offer proof of my theory somewhere!

She asked to mow the lawn.

He even stacked them in a pyramid!

I have no idea why this photo won't turn, perhaps to throw off my sense of order. Anyway, after his toddler sister knocked this pot down on herself, my usually surly five-year-old told me he would vacuum so I could comfort his sister. He doesn't even like the sound of vacuums, but he was ready to be the hero when crisis arose.

For the past week, we've been getting home from swim lessons with the oldest a few minutes ahead on her bike. She has started surprising us with lunch all set out for us.

The pyramid she is building appears to be named autonomy, and I think that will go a long way toward's everyone's happiness, sanity and orderliness. Fortunately, creativity still flourishes within these bounds.